On My Own
by unreal reality
Summary: dedicated to serenityxkaiba fans. more chapters to go.
1. Eponine's tale

The Lights can blind you easily in the theatre.  
  
The audience is nothing but a black mass of nameless faces.  
  
And then, you become her. You become the character of your play. A sweet song escapes your voice and so does tears and laughter.  
  
You can be anything on stage. A flower, a witch, a princess, a flapper. . .the possibilities were endless.  
  
That's why I live my life on Broadway. I live on the stage.  
  
At a young age, I was already one of the most famous Broadway actresses. Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, Cats, Sunset Boulevard. . .you name it, I can act or sing it.  
  
A personal favorite of mine was Les Miserables. I played the character of my namesake for it when I was just fifteen. I played the love-struck peasant, Eponine.  
  
In the play, she dies protecting the boy she loves during war. This was during the French revolution. But that boy, Marius never loved her. He was an educated student and he was already in love with Cosette.  
  
Cosette was beautiful, sheltered and heaven-sent. She was a girl you couldn't hate because she was kind. But she was a girl you could envy in secret.  
  
I did not want Cosette, I wanted Eponine. Not only because I have the same name as her, but also I felt it was destiny. Little did I know how much of my destiny it was.  
  
I fell in love like Eponine, and like her, my love was never returned.  
  
But I am getting ahead of my story.  
  
Did I die saving the boy I love? Yes. Well, physically I didn't but inside me, a part of me is dead. Very dead. Eponine is dead.  
  
Maybe you do not understand me yet but don't leave, please?  
  
Stay and listen. Listen to my tale. It is of Broadway lights, white roses, white dresses and beautiful cold men.  
  
It is a tale of love.  
  
A tale of how events from the 1800's can still be repeated. A tale of Marius and Cosette.  
  
Maybe it isn't exactly like Les Miserables. Maybe it has more twists. But nevertheless, it is a tale.  
  
It is the tale of me, Eponine. 


	2. A Rose in Misery

My hands were cold in Gerald's grasp. The cast raised their arms and bowed down to the anonymous standing ovation.  
  
Another successful performance was created.  
  
I was fifteen, like I said. I was young and full of youth. But I was shoved into the adult world for my talent.  
  
Gerald and I entered backstage again with him still grasping my hand. He kissed it softly. Gerald had no affections for me whatsoever. And no, he is not my Marius. He was nice to me, put his arm around me a lot and knew so much of my secrets like I knew his. And one of his secrets was that, he's gay.  
  
Yet knowing this fact of his homosexuality, I blushed at his action. Hopefully it didn't show through my make-up. God, how I hated make-up.  
  
"It's 4:30." my sweet friend said.  
  
I replied perhaps in an exhausted manner, "I know. So what?"  
  
He gave me that look. That look that seemed to say I knew something and was pretending to not know it.  
  
"The party?" he asked.  
  
"What party?"  
  
"Seto Kaiba's party. Don't try to pretend with me."  
  
"Damn it, Gerald, you know I hate these parties."  
  
And I truly did. Sometimes, these rich businessmen held a party with the people who worked for a famous play. Our Les Miserables was a smash hit in this town. Of course, it was mainly business and high society and all.  
  
It may be hard for you to believe, but everyone who helped with creating this play are all well off people. Some weirdo thought it a great idea to hire the best people to create Les Miserables.  
  
These parties, were all boring. And what was I to do there? I don't even know a thing about this host except that he owns this honking huge dueling company.  
  
Gerald gave me his version of the 'puppy-dog-eyes' look.  
  
"Fine, but you have to promise me a great time, there." I said.  
  
"Just dress to impress and I'll guarantee you that." He told me.  
  
"That always doesn't work out for me, Gerald."  
  
"Don't worry, if some guy is infatuated by your charms, I'll do the 'I'm- your-boyfriend' act. Jerry likes to hear me yap about them."  
  
Jerry was Gerald's boyfriend.  
  
"Okay, pick me up, then in time for the party."  
  
"I'm expecting you, Ponine."  
  
He liked to say my name without the 'E'. He was the only one who did. I checked the clock. The party was at six; I had better change and get ready. All this make-up was hard to remove.  
  
***  
  
I wore a very light pink torn chiffon dress that reached barely under my knees. My feet were accessorized with a pair of shiny pink pumps, not the ones that covered your entire foot. I also had to wear those annoying stockings. My hair was styled to loosely curl. My hair was actually wavy in a sort of unruly way in reality but I've decided to fix it.  
  
Did I wear make-up? Yes. I hate make-up but it was proper. I lined my eyes like they did in the sixties and blended the coral crème shadow on my eyes. I slicked on some sweet pink lipstick and a clear gloss. I then dusted my face with some powder. Before leaving the bathroom, I lightly dabbed on some perfume.  
  
I examined myself in the mirror. Everything I was wearing was very costly from my lipstick to my stockings.  
  
I didn't look my age.  
  
But I was used to dressing up by now. My mother always made sure that I wore good quality designer clothes.  
  
Sometimes Gerald and I would secretly shop. We'd get stuff from street stalls, second hand shops and whatever. We ripped, sew, dyed, painted and did whatever we could possibly do to create new clothes.  
  
The doorbell rang; there was my 'date'.  
  
***  
  
The house was magnificent.  
  
A man in a suit who wore sunglasses escorted Gerald and me. I didn't like this 'security person'. Gerald could tell that I had second thoughts about this party. He squeezed my hand.  
  
We entered a ballroom with a balcony. On the balcony a band played classical music. I recognized the songs that I played on the piano.  
  
Some people were dancing, some were engaging in a conversation with drinks in their hands.  
  
A waiter offered Gerald and me some drinks. I barely drank at my age but at parties, I'd take sips. Gerald was older than me and more used to these things. He knew what kind of drinks would make me puke.  
  
He passed me an elegant wine glass with some white whine in it. I sipped. It was wonderful.  
  
I saw some vases with roses in them and an ice sculpture shaped like the Blue Eyes White Dragon. The roses were all creamy white.  
  
Gerald had disappeared for some reason. I eyed a white rose and couldn't stand the beauty of it. I touched its soft petals with my fingertips.  
  
"A Rose in Misery!"  
  
I jumped; someone had boomed his voice behind me. I spun around to find a boy with white hair.  
  
He smiled at me. He seemed friendly. "My name is Ryou." He said.  
  
I opened my mouth to introduce myself but he cut in.  
  
"No need to tell me your name, I know you. You're Eponine. Of course that would be a lie since I didn't really read the play's program. What is your real name?"  
  
I smiled, knowing he won't believe me, "Eponine, my name is Eponine."  
  
"Christ, you must be joking."  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you loathe your name?"  
  
I produced a little laugh and took a sip of whine still keeping my smiling eyes at him. I haven't flirted for ages.  
  
"No, I don't loathe my name, Ryou. I love it. It feels like destiny."  
  
Little did I know that my name was a curse.  
  
Ryou continued the conversation and was undeniably, flirting back.  
  
"So, Eponine, am I your Marius?"  
  
I saw Gerald coming towards me and he held my hand. I took his hand as well and answered Ryou's question.  
  
"Sorry, Ryou, but I already have a Marius." Indicating to Gerald.  
  
This was a subtle joke, maybe because Gerald played Marius.  
  
Ryou must've been one of those people who could smell a homo because he instantly knew Marius was one. He didn't say anything but I saw it in his eyes.  
  
Ryou looked at Marius and asked if I he could dance with me. Gerald couldn't care less.  
  
He took my hand in his and we made our way to the dance floor. He looked into my eyes and then pulled me closer that my view was the sight over his shoulder.  
  
I asked him, "Ryou, what are you doing in this party?"  
  
Ryou answered, "I'm a duelist. Kaiba invites duelists too."  
  
Somehow, the song began to become too long for me. I started to look around. Someone caught my attention.  
  
I remember the way he was exactly.  
  
He was standing next to the ice sculpture with a drink in his hand. He was wearing a clothes the exact same hue as the roses. He almost seemed part of the beautiful decoration. He was beautiful. I thought he must've been a model.  
  
But there was something about his icy stare that made him seem elusive. I was infatuated. I imagined running my fingers into his brown hair.  
  
My trance ended when Ryou snapped me out of it without even knowing. For a second I felt ashamed of admiring another man while I was in the arms of one.  
  
I excused myself from Ryou and made my way back to Gerald trying to forget about the handsome stranger.  
  
"Someone looks dreamy." Gerald teased.  
  
"Shut up." I said.  
  
"So, did he ask for your number? Ryou?"  
  
"No."  
  
"He's obviously interested."  
  
"Is he?"  
  
"Ponine, don't tell it isn't obvious."  
  
"Well, he was okay."  
  
"You are such a flirt."  
  
"Tell me the last time I flirted."  
  
"Long, long ago."  
  
"Exactly, this party is just what I needed."  
  
"You never really flirt. You're not a flirt."  
  
"I know. There was something about Ryou."  
  
"Are you in love?"  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
"You should try it."  
  
"Well, actually I think I may be."  
  
"With Ryou?"  
  
"No, see that man standing by the ice sculpture?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"Shit, he's gone."  
  
Gerald looked at me curiously and asked, "Since when did you start believing in love at first sight?"  
  
"Since now." I replied.  
  
I didn't know what it was but for some strange reason, I wanted to have some 'me' time. That meant without Gerald.  
  
I walked away slowly and into the garden where the party continued. There were bushes of beautiful white roses. I went over and touched one again. This time, another voice made me jump.  
  
"The roses are very sensitive. They'll rot when touched."  
  
This voice made goose bumps rise in me. This voice was cold and strong. I turned around to see him. It was the handsome stranger.  
  
"Oh, of all my years of loving roses, I never knew that."  
  
He smiled at me, but it was more of a smirk. This made me blush, which made him, smirk even more.  
  
"How do you like the party?" he asked.  
  
"It's quite entertaining, thank you."  
  
"You're one of the play people aren't you?"  
  
"Yes, thanks for labeling me into a category."  
  
"You singing was good, I should've hired you to sing for my party."  
  
I wanted to die.  
  
This BOY here was Seto Kaiba?  
  
HE was Seto Kaiba?  
  
Dear lord, he looked too young to own a company.  
  
All I could give him was a nervous smile.  
  
"It's quite interesting seeing duelists and actors get together. It was instant chemistry between you and Ryou." He said. That lovely smirk was still on his face.  
  
"Yes, socializing isn't really my thing is it?" I said this thinking he was being sarcastic.  
  
"You seem to be socializing well with me." He said. When was that smirk ever going to disappear, it was making me more and more attracted to him.  
  
"Eponine, will you do me a favor?" he asked.  
  
"Anything." I answered like a passionate lover.  
  
"Will you please bring this note to that lady over there sitting on the bench alone." He slipped into my hands a folded piece of paper.  
  
"Sure" I whispered.  
  
I made my way to her. She was beautiful all dressed in white. There was something about her eyes. They looked as if everything she saw through them wouldn't be compared to her beauty. She looked kind. She looked like the angel I've always wanted to be.  
  
I handed her the note with no words escaping form my mouth. She looked puzzled at first but then opened it.  
  
She blushed so innocently I felt like a dirty tramp next to her.  
  
She thanked me and we exchanged names before she headed of to Seto.  
  
I had found my Cosette. But sadly, I had found my Marius. 


	3. Serenity's thoughts

The lights seemed to become darker and the sounds much more quiet. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart.  
  
My brother, Joey would be furious.  
  
I looked at the note over and over again. Two sentences? How can two sentences make me like this?  
  
The note said:  
  
Serenity,  
  
I barely recognized you because you're so beautiful tonight. May I have this dance?  
  
-Seto  
  
I didn't know what to do right away. The girl that handed me this seemed to almost not exist because I was so wrapped up in my own world.  
  
I exchanged names with her and walked over to Seto.  
  
There wasn't any need for words. He picked out a rose from the bushes and put in my hair. We danced and our bodies were so close. I felt so complete.  
  
When the song was over, he took me to his garden again but this time the area was secluded. We sat on a bench.  
  
"Joey will kill me." I said.  
  
"You're already killing me." He said.  
  
I asked him how and he replied,  
  
"I've never met you like this, I've only heard of you. Your beauty is poison in me."  
  
"Then spit that poison out and let me leave before I fall into your spell."  
  
"Don't leave, forgive me for using the term poison."  
  
He moved closer to me and I felt his hands on my neck. He kissed me and I kissed him back.  
  
"I always see you, Seto. But you never saw me."  
  
He said nothing. There were words I wanted him to say in my head but they never escaped his lips.  
  
"Kiss me again." I whispered.  
  
He kissed me again, moving down to my neck and then back up to my lips. I felt ecstasy in his every touch.  
  
"Wait, stop, Seto. I feel. . ."  
  
"What is it, Serenity? You feel guilty?"  
  
"No, I feel watched, don't you feel it too?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Kiss me again." 


	4. broken heart

I run.  
  
I seek.  
  
I hide.  
  
I tried to push and swim my way out of the beautiful people, the music, and the roses.  
  
I hurried to Marius.  
  
"Take me home, Marius."  
  
"Already? The party hasn't ended yet."  
  
There must've been certain anger and forcefulness in my voice when I told him to take me home again. My friend obeyed.  
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
Everything felt dry. My sheets smelled old and so did my nightdress. I felt like it was one of those nights when you feel like the wall in between you and sleep was a curse. A curse had blocked it.  
  
I remained so still and curled up like a fetus, wrapped in my sheets. I had been in bed all morning. The maid had knocked twice on my door. Greta was probably worried, thinking I was dead. But I locked the door.  
  
I was still not moving and I could hardly feel myself breathing. I opened my eyes a bit but the view was blurry because of my dead tears. Maybe I had a fever.  
  
I heard familiar voices outside my room. At first because of my somewhat 'trance' I couldn't decipher the voices.  
  
"Greta, let me in."  
  
"I would love to go in as well to check on her but the door's locked.'  
  
"Do you have the key?"  
  
"Yes, I almost forgot I had it somewhere."  
  
"Go get it, quickly."  
  
"What if she's just sleeping? We shouldn't disturb her."  
  
"Greta, for all you know my friend could be dead!"  
  
"Don't say that, Mr. Marius. Don't say that!"  
  
"Just please, go get the key."  
  
"Yes."  
  
A few moments later I could hear my door open. Someone checked my pulse. I was more asleep this time so the words were but buzzing sounds to me. Maybe they were not understandable because I didn't want to hear them.  
  
At first I tried to say it in a strong, middle tone but my voice was so lost I barely whispered. "Get out. . ."  
  
Marius climbed into my bed and held me.  
  
"I know you don't want to hear me talk. I know you don't want to hear anyone talk but I want to comfort you. Let me hold you."  
  
I wanted to be alone.  
  
"'Ponine, what broke your heart?"  
  
"How do you know? Do you even know what you're talking about?"  
  
"I have tasted your pain. I want to help, let me."  
  
"Where's Greta?"  
  
"She left."  
  
"What have I ever given you to deserve your friendship?"  
  
"Acceptance, Eponine." 


	5. fag boy

A little boy is approaching a group of his classmates.  
  
He approaches one of them.  
  
"Hey, Billy, want to come to my house to play today?"  
  
"Play? With you? What are we going to play, Marius? Barbie dolls?"  
  
The whole group laughs at the little boy but he answers without tears.  
  
"No. . .we could play something else, like house."  
  
"Forget it, Marius, Billy isn't a fag like you. Ask a girl to play with you!"  
  
Another boy joins the conversation.  
  
"All the girls' mothers are afraid of him."  
  
Soon names are mentioned.  
  
"Fag boy!"  
  
"With all the money your daddy has, go buy some make-up!"  
  
"Don't come near us."  
  
"I hate you!"  
  
"Go join the circus."  
  
The little boy runs away, he runs and he keeps running. He wants to find himself. He wants acceptance.  
  
Some years later. . .  
  
"Hey, aren't you that Eponine girl?"  
  
"Aren't you that Marius guy?"  
  
"You got that right. Who asked you to our high school dance?"  
  
"Nobody, I just came by myself. And you?"  
  
"I came with my girlfriend."  
  
"She seems. . ."  
  
"Like a prostitute?"  
  
"I won't say a word."  
  
"I like you, Eponine. Why don't we ditch the school gym and go somewhere else?"  
  
"Sure thing, Marius. This place is a bore."  
  
The boy and girl drive up to a deserted park. The boy has brought stolen alcohol with him.  
  
"Do you drink, Eponine?"  
  
"No."  
  
He smashes the gin with his foot and leaves it broken on the grass.  
  
She closes her eyes at the smashing sound. Before they know it, the two are kissing.  
  
"Marius. . ."  
  
He ruffles his hands through her hair.  
  
"Marius. . .stop."  
  
He stops.  
  
"What is it?" he asks.  
  
"We don't love each other. You'll never love me. I'll never love you."  
  
"What makes you say that, 'Ponine?"  
  
"Because you love the way I do."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"You kiss me like. . .your kiss is different from other guys."  
  
"Yes, I'm gay. So what. You can run away now and tell all your friends."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"Eponine, don't fall for me."  
  
"I won't. I'm like you. Nobody accepts me too."  
  
"Are you gay too?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why are you not accepted by the world."  
  
"I will tell you when the time comes but while you're waiting, will you be my friend?"  
  
"I'll be your friend."  
  
"I like you, Marius. I'll help you. I'll be your friend." 


End file.
